paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
