At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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