Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How external is "for external use only"?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
