She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
