i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
