I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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