you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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