i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
