so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
