i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
