Whod you bang
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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