my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
