worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
