did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
