well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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