I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
