You smell like a Billy Joel song
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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