jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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