If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
