At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
try to milk me bitch
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