i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
