It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
