don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
