Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it was like eating out sand paper
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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