Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
