I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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