Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
