I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
