Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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