I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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