I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also, beer. Big fan.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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