Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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