you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
