After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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