apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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