Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
