Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
