i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
