Just fell off a train. Bad.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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