He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
