I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
