If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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