Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
