Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
