Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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