she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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