the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
