Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You can't just leave with hair like that
My penis needs a shock collar
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
