I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
