time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
