he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i now understand why vodka
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
