My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
