Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
