i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
